All I wanted was to go back to being ‘normal’

This blog entry is from one of our new mentors from Scope’s Our Generation project in Wakefield.

I am a 52-year-old woman originally from Glasgow. I moved to Wakefield six years ago with a new partner, following the breakdown of a relationship of 20 years. For the first three months we lived with relatives of my partner which I found extremely difficult. I had been suffering from depression, anxiety and OCD for a long time and I found living in someone else’s home a nightmare to deal with.

The situation took its toll – I was so desperate to have a place of my own that we declared ourselves homeless. Due to my medical difficulties I was classed as a priority and we were given a bungalow. All my belongings had been left behind in Glasgow so we moved in three days before Christmas with no furniture. I had also left my adult daughter behind in Glasgow which broke my heart and I found it hard to cope with the guilt of leaving her.

I hit rock bottom – my depression and anxiety got worse, I gained weight and hated myself. I felt I had nothing left to live for. It was at this point that I was put in touch with Scope and the mentoring service. At first I didn’t think it was for me as I had never needed support or help from anyone but I couldn’t cope on my own any longer, so I finally made arrangements for a Scope worker to visit me. I found her really compassionate and caring. She introduced me to a mentor who started to come to the house and eventually I found the courage to start going out. It was only small things like going out for a coffee or for a walk round the supermarket but it was a start.

All I wanted was to go back to being ‘normal’ – simple things like getting on a bus alone or going into a shop without having panic attacks. With the support of the service that is what I have managed to achieve. I still have times when I feel depressed and down but I now have friends who I know won’t and don’t judge me. Thanks to Scope I have some sort of life back and life doesn’t seem as bad as I once thought.

I have just finished the mentoring course with Scope and now hope to become a mentor to others. I just want to give someone the strength and courage to live their life as fully as they can. I am a different person thanks to the people at Scope and I hope I will make a huge difference to someone else’s life.

Our Generation is a free mentoring and befriending service that offers one-to-one support for disabled people and people with long-term health conditions over the age of 50.