This Mother’s Day is going to be tough

At three foot six and with brittle bone disease, raising a baby was always going to have its challenges. Last November Marie and her husband Dan became the proud parents of Mark, via a surrogate. As Mother’s Day approaches, guest-blogger Marie reflects that one of the hardest things is not having her own mum around.

Marie holding her baby
Marie with her baby Mark

This Mother’s Day is going to be tough. It will be really happy because it will be my first year of being a mum, but it will be difficult because my mum won’t be there. My mum died in October 2012, so this will only be my second Mother’s Day without her.

I think about my mum every single day. For some reason, when I am giving Mark his feed at about eight o’clock, I think about her the most. Mainly I think about how sad I am that she didn’t get to meet Mark and that she’s not here to experience what we’re experiencing.

Mark is growing every day, getting bigger every day. He’s doing more, like he started giggling in the last few weeks. It’s amazing, but there are two sides to it. At one end of the spectrum, I’m so happy because it’s our first baby, but at the other end, my mum’s not here to experience it.

I am glad that my mum knew what we were doing, that we were trying to have a baby. She was a bit worried at first about how we would cope physically, but when we explained that there would always be someone with me, she was fine.

She knew I just need a strong pair of arms to enable me to do things, because she was that strong pair of arms for so long. Now, my personal assistant and my husband Dan do the lifting for me: lifting Mark on to me, lifting him into his buggy, or lifting him from his cot. Once Mark is within my reach I can pretty much do most of the tasks for him on my own. But when something happens in life you naturally want to ring your mum and I can’t do that anymore.

It’s difficult, but now I just have to focus on being a mum to my little one and do what she used to do with me, with him. Sometimes when me and Dan bath him, if it’s a bit chilly, I put his clothes on the radiator to the warm them up and that’s something my mum used to do with me.

And if I’m ever feeling down, Mark is always there to pick me up. One of the best things is his smile. His eyes are so big and blue. As soon as I wake up in the morning I look over at him and he just smiles. And that just makes me happy all the time.

Marie is blogging about being a disabled mum for Scope, and has been raising awareness by talking to Sunday People